


Never Say Never

by kotajian



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 16:02:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6158987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotajian/pseuds/kotajian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell and Phil Lester have been broken up for 5 months but after an encounter at the local coffee shop, they start to see each other more as friends, even though Phil has a boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Never Say Never

After 5 months I never expected to see him again, but here I am staring at him from across the coffee shop. The last words he said to me before he broke up with me searing themselves into my brain. I kept telling myself he didn’t mean it after we broke up. I mean, we’re Dan and Phil for God’s sake. We’re the youtube power couple. There is no end to us. We are supposed to be together forever.  
Were doesn’t seem like a legitimized tense because he is still my one and only love. To this day whenever I think about him all I can think about are the good times we had, the stuff we accomplished. Even the worst of those days were nothing compared to this. This meaning me, sitting here, looking at the love of my life from across the coffee shop, trying to make out why I’m not over there sitting with him. Why we broke up in the first place, but honestly nothing is coming to mind.  
All I can remember are the last words he said. The finalization of our breakup. 7 words. 23 letters. 29 characters.  
“I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!” he yelled from across the apartment.  
Then he left. Never to be seen again, well until today. His piercing blue eyes considerably harder than many of the times I remember. His smile slightly more forced. The bags under his eyes prominent.  
I’m stuck between going over and start talking or just leaving. I mean he did say never and this is part of ever I guess. Eventually I decide I should just leave. Scat. He doesn’t want to see me.  
I pick up my coffee cup that already has ¾ of it gone and go to throw it in the trash. As I rise off my chair I can feel the slight muscular dystrophy that has occurred since the breakup. Right as I’m leaving, when I literally have one foot out the door, I hear my name. I snap my head to the right looking straight at the person that I know is the culprit. I see his eyes soften slightly as mine meet his. It looks like pity. I don’t need pity. Pity gives me a bad taste in my mouth.  
I only realize I’m staring when he opens his mouth to say “Dan” again. He still says my name like he did when we were together and I hate it. I hate that he’s trying to talk to me again. I thought he never wanted to see me again. I thought that was part of the breakup.  
“I thought you never wanted to see me again,” I spit, spite in my tone.  
“Never say never,” he grins.  
And I really wish I could say his grin was stupid. I wish I could say that I had the courage to walk right out then. I wish I could say that his grin wasn’t the most beautiful thing I have seen since 5 months ago. But I would be lying. I would be lying to every single one of those because he absolutely lights up the room even when he is obviously very fatigued with whatever it is that’s weighing him down right now. Honestly, I would punch whatever or whoever that thing is in the face because he doesn’t deserve to feel like this. He is too precious and pure to ever feel how he does at this moment.  
“Um…” he coughs. “Would you wanna sit down?” he asks, gesturing to the seat across from him.  
“Isn’t this kind of breaking our agreement? You know, the unspoken agreement that was put into action after you broke up with me.”  
“Just shut up and sit down,” his dominance taking me over. I can’t help but be slightly turned on even though this situation has me scared shitless. He knows he has me wrapped around his finger and it pisses me off. I wish I wasn’t so compliant but this is how it’s always been, when he demands something he gets it. When I beg for something I get it. It worked out surprisingly well in our relationship so I don’t understand why it would be any different now.  
I sit down across from him obediently and I take in his appearance more fully. He’s still as attractive as ever. His curves are still clearly defined and beautiful. Although he’s very obviously tired, he still looks at me like he loves me and I want to say that I hate it, but I’ve never been much of a liar in the first place. I know I’m fucked. I’ve been fucked since the first month of our relationship, but it’s a lot easier to avoid being fucked when you aren’t faced with it up front.


	2. When It's Over

“So what’s up?” I ask as he stares at me, out of disgust or beauty is indistinguishable.  
“‘What’s up?’ What do you mean, ‘What’s up?’, Phil? What’s up is that I’ve been worried as hell for the past 5 months because you walked out of our apartment and didn’t reply to any of my texts or call me back. I didn’t even care if you hated my guts, Phil; I still loved you and cared about you and what happened to you. You didn’t even think about how I felt? And after all this time you have the audacity to start talking to me in a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop and ask me what’s up?” he yells.  
“Look, I wanted to call you back-”  
“You fucking blocked me Phil.”  
“What was I supposed to say? I didn’t wanna complicate things!”  
“You could’ve texted me and been like, ‘I’m somewhere safe but I still hate your guts’ and I would’ve been completely fine, but instead you decided to completely ignore the living shit out of me. Do you know how it feels to be sleeping in the same bed as who you thought the love of your life was one night, then in a cold, lonely bed the next night. I can’t even remember what we fought about! Was it really that bad? Was it bad enough that we actually had to break up?”  
At that I start thinking. What did we fight over? Was it worth it to cause our break up? No. Definitely not. I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I loved Dan. I loved him with my whole heart. He knew every corner and fibre of my being. He knew everything about me whether it be secrets I not dare share with anyone else, sexual fetishes and kinks, everything inside and out. Nothing should’ve cost anyone such a beautiful relationship. It wasn’t worth it.  
“I kept thinking, ‘When it’s over, I’m going to tell him how much I regret it. Regret our fights. Regret our breakup. Regret everything leading up to our breakup,’ but now here I am 5 fucking months later, Phil, and I still regret those things and I do apologise now because what we had was one of the most beautiful and pure relationships I have ever witnessed, let alone been in. But after 5 months, 150 days, nearly half a year later I thought you would’ve at least reached out to talk to me. To try to make amends even as just friends, but no. You completely ignored me. You would’ve kept ignoring me. Till when, Phil? Not anytime soon I presume. Did you even worry about me? Did you ever even love me, Phil? Obviously nowhere near as much as I loved you or you would’ve called, done something by now.”  
“Of course I worried about you, you twat! There hasn’t been an hour that’s gone by that I haven’t thought about you! You were my rock! I depended on you for everything! You think it was easy for me to just get up and leave? Well let me tell you-”  
“Sure as hell seemed like it,” I hear a mutter.  
“Dan, you have to believe me.”  
“Believe that I cared. Believe that I still care. I’ve been worried about you for those past 150 days. There hasn’t been one that’s gone by that I’ve stopped caring. I’m worried about you now, Dan.”  
“Well you don’t have to worry about me, now. I’ve learned to get along fine by myself.”  
“Dan, I can tell from here that you haven’t been eating.”  
“What is it to you, Phil? You don’t care.”  
“Of course I care. I loved you. I still do. I don’t believe love goes away. You know that.” I see his eyes soften as I say those words. He tries to stay grounded but I see him crumbling under that façade he puts on to make him look tough.  
“Well you better-” He gets cut off as Andy walks in. I completely forgot he was coming, masked by the presence of Dan. My Dan.  
“Oh, hey Phil...Who’s this?”  
“Um, Andy…” I cough. “This is my ex-boyfriend, Dan.”  
“Ex-boyfriend, huh? I’ve heard about you.” He bends forward and I overhear him whisper, “How could you have let someone like him go?” I blush.  
“I’m going to go order a coffee, I’ll be ri-”  
“Yeah, I should be going too. Sorry to be here when your boyfriend came in, I didn’t think you’d be expecting company.” Dan says, jealousy and anger in his tone.   
I don’t know what to make of this whole situation. New boyfriend meets ex-boyfriend. All I know is that I definitely don’t wanna lose Dan again. I can’t keep living without him in my life. I need him there whether it be as a friend, best friend, acquaintance, whatever. I just can’t keep doing this. I need Dan. I don’t need Andy, although nice to have around for sexual reasons. I don’t need half of my friends. But there’s no doubt in my life that I need Dan there.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic and obviously it's very poorly written but like it's 2am on a school night rn so chill. I'm planning on doing a second chapter vvv soon so be prepared mabes? ok idk I'm listening to the killers rn so that's great. Also this chapter was based off of the song Never Say Never by The Fray so ayeeeee. omg i sound so lame and like 2005!dan ok bye im so sorry


End file.
